I couldn’t bear to see her confined in a casket, surrounded by flowers she called vain. I watched from my car and smiled when smoke rose to the skies from the narrow chimneys. My sister was free again.
I couldn’t bear to see her confined in a casket, surrounded by flowers she called vain. I watched from my car and smiled when smoke rose to the skies from the narrow chimneys. My sister was free again.
Ooh. I love the way you took this away from the typical hot summer day theme and into something completely different. Beautiful imagery.
This is poignant. I loved that you gave us the essence without the details. The smoke rising as your sister’s freedom worked well.
I loved the smoke imagery too, Sara. Beautiful piece!
Such a different treatment of the prompt. It’s lovely how you dwell upon grief without overwhelming the reader.
So different, yet beautiful.
I like how you used the prompt!
I liked how you contrast the confinement of a coffin/burial and the freedom of rising smoke/cremation. You could hone in on this idea even more by using more words that match this theme of confinement vs. freedom: what if, for example, the smoke didn’t rise, but escaped? or was released? Overall, creative angle on the prompt!
Yes, escaped is a better word here. Thanks Katie, appreciate your input.
It was cool how you wrote this to imply the heat of the crematorium. It added another scene for me in the middle of your story.