When P goes out of town for work, a feeling of calm and freedom descends on me.
People are surprised that I don’t miss him and I myself ask this question to myself-is something wrong with me, am I a hermit, a recluse who severs all ties and lives on his/her own.
But no, I am not!I am a person who loves company but I am also a person who enjoys being alone with myself, once in a while.
And this time, while he was gone, I tried to evaluate this light-heartedness I feel when he’s away, starting from morning till night:
1. I wake up by the sound of my own alarm and not to the shriek of his alarm which goes off 30 mins before mine, but is terribly ignored by the master, and it keeps on shouting again every 10 mins, only to fall on deaf ears.
2. I can get dressed with the bath to myself,without his huge frame looming all over the place.
3. After I step down after getting ready, its his judgment again – “Are you going to work like this?” One of the two-either I am inappropriately dressed according to his conservative standards or under dressed sometimes –”Did you shower already? Did you sleep in these clothes?”
Sometimes, this leads me to go change again, while muttering all nasty things.And all this makes me no pativrata by any standards.Its not that I listen to everything he says, but I choose to pick my battles, rather than be foolish to pick any bait.
4. I have to pour coffee in one cup, rather than two, the second one filling it up with more sugar than coffee.
5. After leaving work, I know I have to pick up Ishaan and don’t have to wait for the almost regular call –”I’m getting late, I’m stuck in traffic, can you pick him up?”
6. Either I cook or not in evening, is entirely,my choice.I don’t have to think of a hungry person who demonstrates robotic characteristics like lifting the covers off the pots and pans on the stove,soon as he enters home.
7. After dinner I have time to teach Ishaan or play with him because kitchen clean-up, wind-up is almost nothing. Can’t believe my dishwasher isn’t stacked for more than 2 days, while when he’s home, its just overflowing each day.
8. I can go to bed anytime I want without being chided for sleeping while its still daylight. So I don’t end up having to watch a movie or just anything on TV,until I do my well-practiced yawn-and-drown act.
9.While watching TV, I don’t have to dread the moment he says- “You want to drink tea/coffee?”
You see, here, the pronoun used is ‘You’ not ‘I’, so all the coffee thing is for You and hence,You makes coffee for Us.
But I know that bait too well to bite it.
10.When I finally get to read my book, I’m not interrupted by what Obama’s doing because mostly,he’s reading some magazine about politics and has to speak aloud about what is right and wrong and why.
11.But all being too easy and perfect I cant fall drift off to sleep – because any scary/crime movie I’ve ever watched or anything to the effect I’ve read, just captures my mind. Any tiny little sound, be it the fan or the general contraction/expansion of the walls, spooks me and has my antennae up.
And I have to take an anti-allergy tablet which causes drowsiness to finally fall asleep.
After this post, I’m pretty sure that I’ll have to go anonymous.