I don’t know if this thing is peculiar with me but sometimes that one thing that’s missing or unavailable or broken – occupies the center of your mind and takes hold of it so much that everything else looks worthless and meaningless. It is just these small things that if you don’t notice their absence, you probably wouldn’t miss them but since you know that they are not there, there is a lacuna that needs to be filled, your entire life seems to depend on them. All powers of ratiocination fall flat at that time.
Like when I go shopping – its just that shirt, in that particular color , that design -which is not available in my size is the only appropriate shirt for me , in fact the only shirt worth buying, the rest of the store is just worthless enough to be burnt down to ashes. That day I noticed that that lipstick is missing from my collection and every morning that gaping hole drills into my mood – and my eyes long for a miracle to happen, for it to appear and salvage my day. Why did I even buy and store all the others which should be trashed this very moment, when that was the only one, close to my heart. And those earrings which I can’t find, which will be lurking in some pocket or drawer somewhere, are the ones I want to wear today and every other day to come till they are found. And that one eye pencil that is broken was my most cherished one. I wonder if that one was my favorite or its absence made it my favorite. That one audio CD which is probably shying under the car seat is the one with all the nice songs on the earth. That friend whose phone number I can’t locate is the one whom I want to pour my heart to today. And then that yellow daal whose jar is empty is the one I want to cook today and can’t wait to refill it till the weekend to go for grocery shopping. And once bought I might not look at that jar for weeks but at that moment a sudden sense of urgency prevails and all the thoughts come back to it until its done.
I think these small everyday things reflect the human nature of never being content with what you have and always yearning for something that’s beyond reach, always being restless and attaching undue importance to trivial things which don’t even matter after sometime. And the didactic one of not realizing the importance of things and people while they are with you and then longing to see the same,once they are no more there.