It is not common to hear a real hearty laugh these days, the one that comes from deep within. And if you hear a distant, galvanic one coming from someone, it makes you feel good and strangely light, lifts up your spirit and brings a smile to your lips. But also I wonder whats going on in that person’s life, what conversation is he/she having that makes him laugh so genuinely, so uninhibitedly and it forces an inspection of my inner self which is not all that exciting.
Its hard to recall the last time you laughed out loud like that, with that tinkling laughter. The almost mandatory conversational laughs and forced smiles aside , when was the last time you laughed out loud like a kid. And that does not count the ones evoked by comedy movies, that is laughter bought out of your pocket , almost like an over-the-counter medicine. The stress, the work, the physical and mental travails,the responsibility, the burden, the to-dos and the not-to-dos, this and that, him and her, them and us, theirs and ours – weigh down on us so heavily that the metallic chuckle and chatter has become extinct, leaving behind a vapid vacant slot, which stares at you everytime you hear someone else’s tinkle.
When did I have just pure fun with all the background mental processes shut down .I guess that was when I was dependent on my parents, a student , when assignments and exams were the only worries, when I could not afford that nice sweater and kept coveting it , but I used to laugh with all my heart and wish for today to come when I would be independent ,in charge, in control,to hold the reins. And now that today is here, after a long wait, when I can go ahead and buy anything I want to (within certain limits of course), the flowing laughter has skulked. That is the most precious thing we let slip away from between our fingers without even realizing it, leaving space for this unexplained grumpiness that supercedes the light and jovial part, pulling it down.
And now that life has become far too serious, I realize its time to take fun seriously!!