Love or Live

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Ever since the release of the latest Bollywood mega-starrer Kabhi alvida na kehna, there have been questions,discussions,arguments on the intent and reality of the movie.Ouch!!Extra-marital affair in Indian cinema and its not only a man cheating on his wife which has been accepted in movies like Arth-it is a woman cheating on her hubby too!! So moms say what is this generation coming to, and there are no principles left in Indian youth.

I found the movie OK with good looking people and good looking locations.But when I saw so much of furor on this and I found myself in the middle of discussions about this, married ,I thought about it. And the reality in my perception is that love is love till you are dating/engaged, but after marriage, live takes the place of love.You are so concerned with peaceful co-existence- living together in harmony that the thought of love just doesnt occur. Simply because each person’s idea and style of living is so different, don’t we fight with siblings/parents when we live with them.You love them always, but living is the one that takes precedence.

He would say that he would like to see her face and her smile first thing in the morning for rest of the mornings of his life, but marriage day + a week (and that’s an overestimation),who cares about what face and what smile, all I want is my bed-tea and a neatly folded morning newspaper. So love is out the window.

Her lustrous, golden hair looked so shiny and silky before, but when strands of that hair are seen over the bathroom floor or entwined in the hairbrushes, and on white pillows and if one naughty strand makes way to his dinner-plate – “Why don’t you have your hair cut short or best why don’t you sport a bald-head, maybe we wouldn’t have to vacuum the floor anymore.”

And its not about him only – she was fascinated by his strong manly hands but after cooking, cleaning when she finally relaxes on the couch to watch TV, if that heavy hand just ventures on her shoulder –“Keep your hands to yourself, I can’t bear the weight of this heavy hand, couldn’t your hand be a little lighter.”

And when she trips over his carelessly-thrown shoes in the walkway – “Walking in this house is like participating in a hurdle race, why couldn’t your shoes be a little smaller, a little more human rather than being monstrous, I could break my neck falling over them.”
His towering height, which she admired earlier- “And why do you have to be so tall that I can’t ever reach the things you put on the top shelves? Do you forget that there are shelves also below the topmost one?”

So the humdrum living and vagaries of life make them just live with each other, love they don’t know about and who has the time to think about it.Nobody here is reneging on the marriage vows , but how to avoid a routine clash is the motive.Each couple thinks theirs is a different story, sui generis, but all are really denizens of the same township –safe under the aegis of marriage-so seeking love outside marriage – do what with it – turn it again into second marriage is crazy. So, coming back to the movie, say Rani takes vows with Shahrukh after tears and sobs, but is there a happily ever after guaranteed. The fact is that there is never a happily ever after in life.

And in the end at your deathbed you would rather have the one who put up with all your tantrums and tempers, rather than someone who you chased like a desert traveler chases a mirage. So, the bottomline is that if you are able to cohabit under the same roof such that your heated arguments are hushed enough that the neighbors don’t call the police on you, you are doing good. Just live life, love is for the singles who are ready to mingle, but have not done so.

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